"Roller Gun Radio" (Ep.3) w/ guest Patrick and Jason's delirium drive [Open to Pat]

NOTE: This segment takes place between "Why you don't f*ck with lizards" RP and the upcoming RP for show 3 which we haven't started yet.
____________________________
-- Black screen --
-- Opening sequence --

-- Viewer discretion is advised --
-- The following podcast for all intents and purposes
should never be brought up or considered in contradiction 
with ROG or anyone currently involved with the company's
management, creative and talent wellness policy --

-- A S&W.357 rapid-fire sound is
quickly followed by a short intro of Michael Jackson's Bad --
-- Voice over --

???: Hellooo and welcome to "Roller Gun Radio".
That's R-O..double L..E-R ..(pause) G Radio.
Say your grace and take your space ..(pause)
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITS... GUN TIIIIIIIIIIIME!

-- Surprisingly this time the quality is a drop dead ballistic peace of shit 
that is because Jason has seemingly set his phone as both a camera and a voice recorder --

-- That's right you retard of a reader this podcast is completely unscripted,
completely off the top uncensored and by the hand of recreational drugs completely illegal -- 
-- His intoxicated partner appears to be jumping like a toad in front of the van --
-- In case you have missed it we're yet to find whether or not these two crashed and what
kind of a state is their vehicle in --

-- Jason uses his phone to show us that the rail has been smashed in half
but luckily their van appears to not have a busted engine --
-- Reeves steps out of it and shows that they are just stuck in some wet field and 
probably need to wait until some redneck passes down with a pickup-truck to pull them out --

-- So a question remains unanswered --
-- Why is Patrick Covell jumping in front of him --
-- Well the answer to that is simple --

Patrick: FIREEEEEEEEEEEEEE! FIREEEEEEEEEEEE!

-- Jason rushes forward giving us the scoop --
-- You can probably guess that he has no idea that he 
has connected his phone to the podcast and everyone around
the world is watching or listening to this travesty --
-- He quickly gets panicked --
-- His imitation of Courage The Cowardly dog is absolutely perfect --

Jason: What do I do?.. What do I do?

Patrick: FIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'm on FIREEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-- He starts to take his clothes out and roll over on the
wet grass just as Will Ferrell did in Talladega nights -- 
-- Jason crouches next to Patrick chewing his nails --
-- Damn pills and Indian Mary --
-- The guns are completely wasted --
-- We should be concerned about their health --

Jason: I have an idea..

-- He rushes back to the van as we can see him throwing
underwear and clothes around looking for a fire extinguisher --

Jason: I am coming Pat, hold on.

-- What he doesn't realize is that instead of the extinguisher
the idiot has picked up a gasoline tank out his delirium state --
-- Just as he closes to Patrick he miraculously regains his senses
for a brief second and jumps back to his feet --
-- He sees the tank and super-kick's it out of Reeves's grasps who stands there 
in shock looking like a bloody wanker almost as if the kick has given him his mind back --
-- He stares down at Patrick as they both see a light --
-- Jason uses his phone to focus on it --

-- We can distinguish a bike engine when out of the blue
a song starts playing --

"Wolf Totem by The Hu"


[Pat]

--The both stare into the horizon--

Patrick: Hey man, remember that time I OD'ed.
But the doctors brought me back and after walking home from the hospital, I changed the message on my answering machine to "I can¨t come to the phone right now, because I'm dead".

Jason: Yeah, that was pretty sick.

Even for you.

Patrick: I may have to change it again.
Because, I think both of may have died in that accident, just now.
Either that or god have gone bike shopping and on a road trip.


--Finally Jason's shitty phone manages to focus on the bike, as it pulls up along side the guns--

--Both of them standing in a daze, unable to move, as they just stare at the rider in question--

--None other than the man himself--

--Mr. Tom Cruise!--

TC: Hey there GUYS!

--Both guns seem at a lost for word--

Jason: Dude, thats-

--Pat quickly hushes his partner--

Patrick: I know!
Don't look him in the eyes!

Jason: I can't.
He's wearing sunglasses.

Patrick: Exactly.

TC: What a wreck you made there.

--He gives him trademark over the top TC laugh--

TC: See, you see.
I saw you flying off the road.
I was driving and I thought.
I gotta stop.
I see a wreck.
I gotta stop.
I gotta help.
Nobody can help, like I can help.
I saw you two and I thought.
Maybe, just maybe.
You two can help me, help you.


--Another over the top laugh explodes out of the man--

TC: So, tell me....
What happened?


--Jason is clearly unable to answer his hero, as his hands shaking so much, the camera is completely out of focus--

Patrick: Well.
We were driving and-

TC: Nevermind, moving on.
How can I help.
You.
Help me.
Help you?

--Big colgate smile, almost breaking the lens of the shitty phone camera--

[Jase!]

I will continue this in a new topic, so it can be used for this week's show.
(That way we can skip the drugs parts from my opening and less risk ROG getting a warning again)